Get everything in writing

Oops, I sort of forgot all about this. After a particularly wretched day in the office I need to vent.

So yes I'm still working in a call centre, the same one as my last post. I wanted to expand on why call centres are ruining our country.

There is a tremendous disconnect between the people who answer the phones, the blessed people who do off-phone work, policy makers, the management, and the executives.

Remember that a call centre is just one side of a business.

Think of a telephone provider. They've got a call centre, a sales force, a retention team for people who want to cancel, paper pushers to create accounts and make profile updates, shipping and recieving, on site technicians, web developers, trainers, and the list goes on.

Today we're going to focus on the Sales Department. So you contact your local ISP to open an account.

The horror begins:

John the sales rep fails to disclose several important things; like early cancellation fees, what happens when you exceed your plan usage, how the rate he quoted only lasts for 3 months, whatever the case. John is going to lie to you by omission, and promise you things verbally that he has no control over, and in many cases, he doesn't even know the answer to your question, he's just agreeing because you want to hear you're right.

And you know why John does that?

1. He gets a commission.

2. After he signs you up, he has no responsibility to you - any questions from you will be deferred to Customer Service, because John gets paid to sell. And no, it really doesn't matter if he lied to you, if he didn't explain part of the contract to you, he never has to face you, so he doesn't care about you.

3. His manager Bob encourages this behavior, because each region of the country has it's own sales manager, so Atlantic Canada, Central, and Western have at least 3 sales managers competing over who sells the most. (Ontario usually gets a few more flunkies tossed in due to high population density.) Bob gets bigger bonuses when his staff sell more - and it doesn't matter if all of those new customers leave eventually because signing them makes the numbers for Bob. And if Bob's team outsells the others, that equals massive bonuses and perks, like trips to Europe, a six figure salary, and a nice corner office.

It's all about the numbers, even if they're obviously wrong.

4. The CEO Jack can show his board of directors how well the company is doing, look we've signed 5,000 new accounts this quarter!

5. But the worst reason of all? You as the customer won't take no for an answer. You don't want the truth, you don't want to hear that the latest Blackberry won't get reception on Mount Everest.
You are going to say "I want this" and "I want that" and John will tell you his company can deliver - but John has no idea if Everest gets reception. John doesn't know if the park 5 blocks from your house gets reception. And he really doesn't care, because he's got you locked into a 3 year term and those verbal promises don't mean squat.

Wanting to get that reception doesn't make you a bad person. But getting angry because you feel thwarted, demanding to be "accommodated" for things that are completely outside John's control, that's arrogance and stupidity on your part.

So to protect yourself from the Johns and Bobs of the world, draw up a document covering all the questions that you asked, and tell him you will be happy to sign his contract, after he signs your document outlining his promises. Nine times out of ten he will refuse - and that's when you ought to walk away.

Afterall, if John doesn't have the balls to sign his name to his promise, why would you want to do business with him? He won't sign, because he knows if he does he will be on the hook for bullshitting you.

"Are you a robot?"

I’m Phone Slave. I can’t tell you my real name, because I live under a very real threat of termination or a lawsuit if my Big Corporation (BC) finds out who I am. This blog is going to chronicle my experiences in the call centre industry, both good and bad. Most of my friends have worked in them, even some family members of mine. So I have lots of tales to make you shake your head.

To protect the identity of my fellow drones, names have been changed. If I call someone Erin, all posts referring to that name are about the same person.

I’ve worked in a few call centres for what seems like forever. I am still bemused by the ratio of useless managers to working employees; it’s about 45% vs 55%. There is enough middle management to sink a boat. Doesn’t matter which call centre you look at, they are all the same. The number one reason you wait on hold so long is because call centres are notorious for taking capable people off the phones to do pointless stuff; HR crap, paper pushing, nothing useful.

Today was a bad day. I am struggling with the futility of my job. I didn’t dream of answering phones all day as a child. I help a lot of people most days, but at the end of the day, my job enables capitalism. I’m not saving lives. Some days I feel really burned out.

I think for now, I’m going to open new posts with an actual quote from the stupid people in Canada. Anybody who tells you how nice Canadians are, is really full of shit. Some of the most vicious and mean-spirited people I’ve ever spoken to are my countrymen. It's shameful. People think that because they can't see me gives them a lisence to be cruel. I feel sorry for most of the people I speak to, because they are really rotten inside.

I've learned more about humanity, or the lack there of, in call centres than any other industry.

Using Call Centres Effectively 101

Every day I hear the same complaints and questions. If you've never worked in a call centre, you really can't appreciate how stupid they really are. I'm going to talk about:

• getting through their security checks
• understanding the telephone menu
• hold music
• call centre etiquette
• how to get good results from reps
  
  
  Passing security checks:
  If you don't know the name, address, and account number for the account you want to discuss, don't call. Open your mail and read your statement, or your contract.
  
  Call centres will ask you a few basic questions to verify your identity. This protects you from fraud (a vengeful ex trying to hijack your cell phone, your strung-out junkie kid trying to access your credit card, an ex-employees trying to steal funds from your merchant account, the list goes on).
  For example, if you call the bank and say your name is John Doe, but you don't know your Debit card number, or your address; do you think they are allowed to talk about your account? (Even if they were, and they are not, would you feel comfortable with that type of lax security??)
  
  
  How to use the automatic menu:
  It's called an IVR, "Interactive Voice Response". This is the menu you hear when you dial in. Otherwise known as "the robot voice".
  
  1. Menus actually have options that make sense, if you stop and listen
  2. Many menus have a final option you can press to speak to an operator
  3. If none of the choices make sense, you can often get through by pressing 0 or # repeatedly
  4. Choosing the right option will prevent you from being transferred, saving you time.
  
  
  What is the point of all these options?
  They funnel your call into the right department. In call centres, only certain people have access to certain things. Some agents are allowed to make account updates (address change, number change) and some provide technical support, some spend all day explaining their billing and statement features. These people are not always trained on the other jobs.
  
  You will spend LESS time on the phone if you pick the right option. If you ignore the prompts or just choose the first one, you will often have to be transferred and you will have to explain your problem all over again.
  
  
  Hold music?
  We know the muzak sucks. We hate it too. We don't really care that you hate it, because we listen to it all day. And we have no input on what shitty music is played. If you really want to complain about the "music" that your call centre of choice is playing, write a letter or email them. They will file your complaint in their little customer correspondence file. If enough people write in, something might get done. But hassling the poor employees is pointless.
  
  
  Call centre etiquette:
  1. Don't yell, scream, or swear. That's pretty ignorant. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
  
  2. Don't bitch about the wait time, the hold time, the muzak, or the phone menu, or the cell phone minutes you are using by calling.
  
  3. Have your account information ready
  
  4. Do not chew food or gum
  
  5. Do not call while driving
  
  6. Do not call with your children screaming in the background
  
  7. Do not call with music playing
  
  8. Let the person try to help you. Lots of people call and demand a supervisor (who is just an
  average joe, they have no special powers). If you clearly explain your problem, you would be surprised how many people can help you over the phone.
  
  9. Remember, these are real people on the phone. Just because you can't see the person doesn't make them a non-person. That is a human being with dignity on the other end of the line. Would you walk up to a stranger and abuse them? Why is it any different if you can't see the person?
  
  10. Don't call and demand to speak to the CEO, or any name on a letter you got about a rate increase. Those people don't take calls. The reps don't have their phone numbers. And they're not allowed to harass those people for you. The executives of big companies do not care about you. They make six-figure salaries and couldn't give a damn.
  
  
  Achieving good results from call centre reps:
  1. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Did you know that most reps are not allowed to offer you anything (like lower fees) unless you ask for it, or threaten to cancel? It's not that they don't want to help you, they will literally get reprimanded for doing so.
  
  2. Write down the date you called and the name of the person you spoke to. Ask for a reference number (if they have them). If they don't, ask for an employee number. This is most important if you're having a billing issue.
  
  3. Many reps are discouraged or outright forbidden to place outbound calls (I'll explain why later).
  
  4. Be clear, concise, polite, and have patience sometimes. Explain what you need, and accept sometimes you will need to hold.